Monday, 18 August 2014

Darn, it's just so hard

This past week has been one of the hardest weeks of Weight Watchers for me ever. 

Since the cycle, my energy levels have been in my boots, I mean exhausted and cold and tired and nothing seemed to help.  3 cups of coffee and I was still shattered one day and slept like a baby that night. 

Ive gained 7 pounds in the last few weeks and I'm really starting to feel it in my clothes but also in my brain.  You know when you start to feel disappointed in myself with my lack of restraint and really not feeling at all like myself. 

I think having the kids home all summer when I had gotten used to them being in playschool has really knocked routine completely out the window. 

Being a working parent is a lot harder than I had ever imagined and as much as the feminist part of me, (which is substantial) wants to earn the living and have it both, sometimes I find that it just can't gel together.

What I thought it would be!

I'm already regretting the fact the I look forward to my children going back to school so that I can fit in all of the other motherly duties and yet I don't have the time to enjoy them being off. 

My reality

I'm still eating healthy, but I'm constantly hungry, it's like my stomach can just consume so much and I know that it's because between still getting work done, the kids being home and everything else, my life registering largely on a richter scale.

I'm still off the Pepsi Max and I got an email asking me how I did it and I haven't responded yet because quite frankly it's a blooming miracle that I have gotten this far. 

Pepsi max was my Morning Coffee to others and once I had it, I could try to piece the day together.  Old habits are killing me. 

It's funny because I actually thought to myself that, after losing the weight, getting fit and healthy, breaking out of my "fat" ways and giving up drinking 4 litres of Pepsi Max a day, that if I drop dead because of a heart attack, I will go and haunt every doctor I ever heard saying to getting healthy will help you live longer. 

The detox is creating a dark dirty unpredictable cloud over my life. 

I had thought that it would be easy at this stage but it's so hard.

It is sending my eating into the black hole, just so I can get some energy.

The black hole being my destruction button, it's flashing, it's beeping and yet the temptation is over powering for me.  It's like I want to have a fling with my old life because sometimes, being overweight was very protected and being thinner makes me feel vulnerable. 

Class this week is all about finding your mojo, and here was I sitting there trying to arrange my class when all I wanted was to go find my own mojo.  

Then I spoke with someone today who just said to me, Claire, your always only ever as happy as you make yourself.  You will always only be a few months away from being the woman you were, but your always only a few months away from being the person you want to be. 

This week Im going to work on getting my mojo back.  I'm going to stop lying to myself about what I eat and I'm also going to stop comparing my body to what I think mine should look like. 

As with the cycle, Im going to remind myself that after every uphill battle, there is the beautiful free flow of the downhill.  

How do you all cope when life just drags you into your black hole?  Does it affect your weight? Has anyone else had this affect from giving up fizzy drinks? 

Enjoy the Niptuck way, so you don't have to!


  1. Read your blog post... Identified with nearly every second line (except for the kid stuff as I could only semi-relate as I have a dog) but basically I think we could be the same person.

    Giving up smoking was easy. I cannot even comprehend how someone could give up Pepsi Max! I love the line "after every uphill battle, there is the beautiful free flow of the downhill"... Its so true. There are weeks when I dont even have to think about WW, it just works with me. There are other weeks its tough, but those tough weeks/periods make you stronger.


    1. Thanks John, it really is difficult. I think it's because the word goal represented destination wannabe. I failed to realise that it represented a whole different journey.

      I think I thought it would be the epitome of healthy lol.

      I imagined goal as having a Catherine Zeta Jones body lol

      How long did it take you to give up smoking ?

    2. I've only just realised what exactly goal means to me. I've been 1lb off goal twice in the past year and bounce back up as quick. I'm now over a stone away which is frustrating.

      I've taken on the following as my new mantra: In between goals is a thing called life that has to be lived and enjoyed. Enjoy the journey!

      Nothing is every going to be plain sailing. If I hit goal, what difference will it make. The first day after I hit goal, I am still going to have to work at it. I don't win. There is no finish line only an adjusted finish line/goal.

      I think (like me), you need to appreciate the other goals like cycling and Pepsi Max as victories each with their own struggles, challenges and wins!

      It took me a minute to give up smoking, the hardest part was the following twelve months :P

  2. I totally get everything you're saying here Claire. I've been off Coke Zero the last 4 and a half weeks as I'd got out of control and it's been tough! Hang in there, you'll get through this bad patch, and don't be hard on yourself for being in this place, humans aren't perfect and in control all of the time. How could we learn to appreciate when things are going good in our lives if we didn't experience slip ups every now and then. Also, don't feel guilty for looking forward to the kids going back to school. At the end of the day you're more than "mom", more than an employee, you're you, and it's perfectly fine to need time away from the crazy, just to be yourself. Xx

  3. Keep it up, you know exactly what you'd be telling your members if it was them. Get a meal planner out, goshopping, track and point and enjoy the benefit on the scales! Remember how far you''ve come despite this little blip.Don't loose faith!