I am a Food Junkie and Food Finds

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My name is Claire and I am a food addict.

I have been hymning and haw about this post for nearly a week.  So unsure whether or not to post it but seen as I am speaking about my own experience and not anyone else's I have decided that I will.

Motivation, inspiration, encouragement and accountability.  You hear them a lot.  When it comes to weight loss I had none of the above traits. 

By now you probably all know my story.  19 stone 4 and didn't think that there was anything wrong with me or my weight.  I was not blind or delusional, I knew that I was over weight but I was happy enough. 

I joined Weight Watchers, it worked, it took 5 years and I lost 9 stone, 1 pound. However, as I have said before, I am not cured, I am in recovering food junkie. 

I was not greedy and I don't think over weight people are greedy.  In fact I am generous and willing to share and always was.  Greed is not the problem.  I loved food and I still do.  I was not educated about food.  I am now educated in my own relationship with food. 

Food was my friend, my crutch, my dependent and I the dependent also.  It was a pure love. It didn't judge me, it comforted me, it made me happy.  It satisfied me. 

In order for me to change my weight I had to change my relationship with food.  I needed to enjoy it but I also needed to see it for what it was.  Food. 

I didn't trust myself with food.  I had to clear the presses and cupboards of the junk. The first few weeks I went nowhere.  I lived on the boiled chicken diet.  I was a Weight Watchers accountant everyday, counting my points or propoints all the while saving a few for that kick.  The sugar rush.  The treat. 

My weigh in at times reminded me of a drug addict waiting to have their urine sample analysis read.  Then that would establish whether or not I had been good or bad.  The anticipation of waiting for the scales to work would give me butterflies or bats at certain times. 

I needed a lot of structure to guide me with the perimeters of my self control and to help me define whether I was within the boundaries of a weight gain or a weight loss. 

I needed to get weighed in every week and not by myself, I needed an outsider.  I needed to feel accountable to somebody for my weight loss.  I needed my class for support.  I needed them most on the weeks that I felt I had failed.  There tips, suggestions and I needed to learn that I was not alone. 

You see a lot of my eating took place while I was alone, therefore if nobody seen my do it, It didn't happen, but what you eat in private, shows in public. I needed to have someone who believed I could do it and I needed to believe that, that person really did believe I could do it.  So I payed them.  She was my leader. 

Signs that your a food addict, 

• When you do your shopping, you always buy that little extra something nice in case somebody pops round, knowing full well that your name is written all over it. 
• When you have a quiet house, your really enjoy eating something" forbidden".
• You blame others on eating certain items.
• You refuse to do certain activities because you think your body wouldn't be able for it. 
• There is a lot that you would love to do but think you can't.
• When your feeling really low about yourself, food is there to help you out. 
• When you have emotionally eaten the food, your upset with yourself. 
• You eat more. 
• You don't trust yourself to be any different.
• Your will power is very low
• Your afraid to break old habits 
• Your afraid to make new habits.
• Your afraid that you will fail.
• You don't go to class the weeks that you know that you have been "bad"
• You will get the weight off yourself and then go back when your alright again. 
• Temptation over powers you. 
• You eat in the moment and forget the long term goal. 
• Food makes you happy, your appearance does not. 
• The word Fat hurts

These were my signs.  

I learned to trust myself and to enjoy food sensibly.  I realized that eating in private what I really wanted to eat, didn't taste that good after I got my first silver 7.  Sometimes it was really hard and sometimes I felt that it really wasn't worth it. 

Then I got into a size smaller clothes.  I realized that I was accountable to myself and I deserved the top from River Island.  I deserved to shop in penney's and I deserved to eat good food that I liked, it just had to be in moderation. 

Sometimes when I had the weight on me, I felt that my life just plodded on, in a good and bad way but it just plodded.  Repetition, repetition, repetition. Since starting my journey, there have been key moments when I felt spine tingling alive.  That deep breathing of utter exhilaration and sense of accomplishment.  Strangely enough they were times when my life was in real danger, such as child birth, sky diving, climbing up Carrountoohill.  

Would I have felt this alive with 9 stone extra on me.  I don't think so because I wouldn't have been been able to do the sky dive, I would not have offered to climb the stairs never mind the highest mountain in Ireland.  Thankfully I could experience child birth. 

Break your habits, gain back control of your life, make new habits, feel alive. 

Perseverance is key. Sticking with it, is what will get you to goal. 

I don't know if any of you will relate to this post, this is just my experience and Weight Watchers was my 12 step program and my leader was my sponsor.  Am I glad I went.  

I have no plans at the moment for another shot to ease my inner adrenaline junkie, not yet, but I will because I know I can, or I can at least try. 

So here is some of my favorite food finds for this week. 

Delicious sauces, each one works out at 9 Propoints per pouch but they are lovely and you can get 4 serving from each. 

Aldi Jam Bakewells, absolutely gorgeous and each one is 3 propoints but you do actually feel full afterwards. 

This I stole from a facebook group and someone else spotted this.  They bought these in the Maxol garage.  It's a pack of 10 and each pack has 3 propoints and I have to tell you they are gorgeous. 

I am Claire and I am a recovering food addict. 

Enjoy the Niptuck way, so you don't have to!