Wednesday, 19 November 2014

Give up yer aul sins

I have got to tell you that this year has been the hardest year of my life so far.  I don't know why but it really has been difficult and there has been a lot of growing up.  

When it comes to sins, I have many, many which I really enjoy but the more I seem to like my bad habits, the badder the habits seem to be for me. 

7 years ago, I joined WeightWatchers and embarked on losing the 9 stone 1 pound that I needed to lose.  5 years later I achieved it. 

In July of this year, I gave up drinking Pepsi Max and fizzy drinks.  

Now losing the weight made a huge difference to my life, it was very slow but substantial differences were had in my life. 

I gave up Pepsi Max and I will be honest, absolutely no difference was made to my life and I feel no different, but because I am such a stubborn person I wont go back on it. 

Then this Sunday, I gave up smoking.  I am a smoker 21 years and before anyone tells me how well I will feel, there will be no tabacco smell off me and so, let me express myself clearly. 

I never have minded the smell of tabacco.  That is like saying to some one who wears Jean Paul Gautier perfume that you don't like the smell of their perfume, well, the other person is wearing it and they obviously like it.  Yea, it's really like that, we don't get why people would say that to us, in an attempt to tell us that we smell bad, as oppose to someone who is wearing some god awful perfume that catches your breath.  Yep, it's just plain rude, keep the remarks to yourself. 

Now here is the second one, "have you ever seen those ads where they dissect the lungs of a smoker?

Really, you want me to give up something that I really enjoy so that I have prettier lungs when I die? 

and die I will, I mean the only thing that I am sure of in life is that it will end at some point.  I will not life forever.  I will not turn into Lord Voldemort "Master of Death" because I have given up my 3 Deathly Hallows weakness. 

Now here is what I cannot grapple with, when I joined Weight Watchers it was so that I could shop in any shop that I wanted to and so that I could feel better in myself and not have to worry about what anyone else thought of my. 

Pepsi Max was something that I have wanted to do to feel grown up and to have more of variety. 

Now with smoking, I'm in the phase of dense fog, no I cannot see the wood for the trees, I don't know how or what type of difference it will make to my life bar the money and to be honest I really miss it. 

Yesterday I wanted one so badly that while listening to the radio and they were talking about the water charges and I realised that had any one have heard what I was shouting at the radio that yes I would have been arrested and then I thought that if I was arrested and sent to prison, sure couldn't I smoke anywhere I liked and not have goodie two shoes sticking their nose up in the air. 

So I signed up to it's run by the HSE and it's a helpline and interactive thing.  The girl I got is adorable, so lovely and really does have time for me, but she never smoked a day in her life.  She hasn't told me this and I never asked her, but how do I know, well, she asked how I felt and I gave her a rough guide to how I was feeling and she read from a script how I will be much more likely to stay off them if I feel this way. 

Please remember that what I had told her was that I felt like ripping my face off and going to smokey heaven with a Pepsi in one hand, no diet crap with a big smokey smoke, Im in heaven, dead already and you ain't judged in Gods house because surely god has the space to facilitate smokers and non smokers? 

It has the same effect of a person going to an AA meeting and it been run by Legion of Mary who never broke their pledge! 

So, as you can tell, Im pretty cool and calm about the whole giving up smoking thing.  Then to top it off, I got put on medication and last week because I am sick and I have gained 8 pound in 1 week.  I cod you not. 

Now I will gladly do the time for crimes that I have committed but when your up more than the average birth weight of a baby from buying the fruit bags in McDonald's while the other people with you melt into a big mac, then I get pretty agitated. 

Then I thought that really, I would rather be a smoker for the rest of my days than put the weight back on me.  There are some mental tortures that Im not prepared to go through again and then this comes into my email. 
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Is this something out of the Twilght Zone and by Twilight I mean crazy weird stuff?  Does this mean that the battle is as great as the weight loss battle that I have and still have. 

I mean this, I would rather go back on the smokes anyday than gain that weight back.  If I had to choose a sacrifice, it would be my pretty lungs that I would sacrifice, rather than be a size 28 from Evans again. 

Now as if I was not doing enough, to try to counter act the smokes and for distraction, I am trying to run, well jog, I would like to jog without thinking that my breathing sounds like something out of the climax of a porn film, when in actuality it's because I ran from one lampost to the next. 

So here is my plan.  I want to jog/walk the Aware 5k in Park on the 13th December, and still be smoke free and the same weight.  That all depends and whether I am not locked up in Mount Joy smoking my ugly lungs into oblivion. 

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.  Don't preach, I mean it, but if you have tips please pass them on. 

Enjoy the Niptuck way, so you don't have to!


  1. Hi Claire,

    I don't often comment but I felt I would like to weigh in on this discussion. I myself am a smoker as well and giving up cigarettes seems like a harder sacrifice than giving up the junk food! For me I would eventually like to quit smoking but not because of the pretty lung adverts etc. My aunt has lung cancer and even though she is slowing the growth of the cancer down quite simply put she is still dying. It is just a matter of how long. Although the thought of her dying is upsetting it is worse seeing how much she suffers and has declined since being diagnosed and going on the treatment. It is equally as heartbreaking seeing how upset her daughters are, trying to deal with the situation and of course the rest of the family. Smoking unfortunately offers no quick death, it is slow and painful and it hurts more than yourself or myself! I am not preaching or anything here but trying to explain what has affected me the most and why I would like to quit also. However, like the weight loss I do believe cold turkey isn't always the best route to go for everyone and have considered a) cutting down slowly or b) those e-cigarettes/vapor cigarettes. Although we don't know the full effects of these products I know a good few people who have found it much much easier to quit when they have been on these for a while. Maybe something like this will help stop the feeling of wanting to "explode" (well how I feel anyway!) and like the weightloss be more manageable.I hope this helps. Best of luck with it, your are mighty for taking it all on

    1. Hi Aoife,

      Of course your right. It's awful about your aunt and her daughter's. I was not trying to make light of death and cigarettes related illness. I am Merely trying to show the maddness that I feel while the nicotine is leaving my body. Also the mere confusion and unease one has during the phase I am at, which is the infancy of giving up . However, I think your message is exactly what I needed right now. You see I had forgotten the reasons of what will make it worth it.

  2. Hi,

    As you know, I love your blog and I think you are a pretty incredible woman. Two years ago I was a 19st smoker, now I'm 7(ish) stone lighter and 15 months off the cigs. I can honestly hand on my heart say giving up smoking was 300 times 'easier' than the weight - why? Because you have to make eating choices multiple times every single day. Yes the thoughts of smoking might happen more often but they will wane. I'm not being all holier than thou, but my other half stayed smoking when I quit. Yep, Day 1 when I gave up, he was still smoking in the house, the car etc. 15 months later and he still does. I quit for me. No more than you loosing the weight for you, that has to be who you quit for. I honestly found the first 72 hours hell. I dont think I slept for the first week or two but that does get easier. I promise... You are doing the right thing, for the right reasons.

    The day I quit, I set up a direct debit for €300 (I smoked 20 a day) which came out of my bank acc and into the credit union. I now have €4000 sitting pretty in my account - money I would have lit up but now am bringing to NYC with me in Feb. I cannot wait to spend it. Would you consider doing something similar? Seeing the money pile up is a real motivator.

    Well done on quitting. You are through the worst of it. It will be hard, you may cry, but you will get through it x

    1. John Quinlivin, am I glad to hear you talk about the sleep deprivation, its so not lime me and now I'm awake every hour on the hour. I didn't think I could get even this far, 5 da5s. Although, tonight I stood outside the cinema and passively smoked and it was a great little thrill.

      Do you know, I don't want to be the woman with no vices. As I think Marilyn Monroe once said, those with few vices, usually have very little virtue. Also I was doing it for myself, but the doing it made me so unhappy lol. Catch 22

      I will be doing something with the savings. After hearing it's your spending money for NYC, I need to take stock.

      Old habits die hard but I'm so glad you gave them up and then lost the weight at the same time. I'm hugely worried about.

      Thank you John

  3. Hi,

    Just wanted to say well done for getting this far. I gave up smoking myself 6 years ago and it was hard, for a while. It will definitely get easier.I joined a gym for one year after i gave up and only for it i would have given up. That year in the gym kept my weight stable but when i left i put on 2 stone !! i had never had a weight problem up to that point in my life so it was a big shock. I replaced nicotine with sugar and it was a disaster. So here i am looking at your blog for inspiration lol.. Today is my day 1 and i am determined. You have all the skills you need for no weight gain. I have never looked back since giving up despite the weight gain.Good luck with it.. xx

  4. The 7th of December 2006 was my first smoke free day, and I can honestly say (now!) what a happy day it was! People thought I was mad giving up just before Christmas but I figured there would be every other Christmas, birthday and other excuse for evermore, and it was just the right time for me!
    I had quit a couple of times over the past few years, so I did not think I was brave enough to go it alone, so I got a prescription from my GP for those drugs to help you. You take them for 8 weeks, and I figured if I could last without a yummy cigarette for 8 weeks, then after that I would be deciding to START smoking which was not a decision I felt I could make!
    I have to be honest; even with the drugs it was really really hard, don't think its a walk in the park. After a week I started dreaming about smoking (they were yummy in my dreams too!), and even now, 8 years later, I occasionally smoke in my dreams (although now I wake up with self-loathing that I smoked until I remember it was only a dream!!)
    I was a gold member for about a year before I quit smoking, and over the course of the year after I put in about a stone - but to be honest I felt that was a small price to pay for the health and financial benefits I could see. I knew I could lose a stone, so while I still weighed in (and paid the tenner!) to stay in touch, I decided to give myself a year before I lost the stone again, and to be honest it really didn't take me long, once you can give up cigarettes you know you can achieve anything!!

    So imagine Claire, if you gave up cigarettes and put on say 5 stone and then got upset and started smoking again, then you would way 15 stone AND smoke...

    Good luck, I promise you that you will be so proud of yourself as you sing soprano in the shower!! :)

  5. Hi Claire,
    God I love you for being sooòo honest.I gave up 11 years ago and I cleaned and cleaned and cleaned some more.When I was done with that I walked miles.Every time and place where I used to smoke had to be replaced with somthing active or I would have gone insane.
    I also saved every penny I would have spent on ciggies and in 5 months had enough to pay for two adults and 2 kids to go on anall inclusive holiday for a week! Coffee was replaced with tea as it was always coffee and a cigarette.Just keep moving and distracting yourself until the craving is gone, its usualy only a few minutes.
    What I couldnt get over was how much time I spent smoking.I worked full time and had two small children and' had no time for exercise' but that changed and I lost weight when I gave up smoking! Extra bonus is your taste buds start working again and high fat/salt/sugar foods dont taste as nice!
    Keep going and do it for you not other people.we all think you are amazing!

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