This Sunday, I'm in the Sunday World Magazine because there is a Weightwatchers Supplement this week.
I have had a hectic week this week and the blog has been somewhat neglected, then, just as I went to write this, family and people I know start texting and messaging me to say that there I was on TV
Therefore, if this post is slightly hit and miss, I ask for your forgiveness because I am at present shaking. Firstly, I'm rather a private person and never imagined that I would be on TV and secondly seeing yourself in all of your entirety Before and After is more shocking than what it was being the before and after.
The ad has just said, sexy mom of 2, I tell you, never in my life have I described myself as that and I nearly slid off the chair. I don't really know how I would describe myself, I suppose none of us could really describe ourselves well but sexy, Holy Mother.
The before picture that will be in the Sunday World, is actually the picture that made me think about doing something about my weight. I was away on holidays at a family wedding and I had a brilliant time, it was so relaxed and such a laugh.
When I seen that picture I really felt that it didn't reflect who I actually was. Yes obviously it reflects someone who loved to eat and yes I still do and also someone who did not like activity, I push myself now and set myself all different challenges, I'm still not actually any good at any sport but some I tolerate much better than others.
What it did not reflect was someone who loved life, was fun, outgoing, a fashion victim wanna be, a little reserved with new people, but there was also the part of me that was nervous with new people, felt restricted by my size and was afraid to try new things in case I either broke the machine, got stuck in it or was just out of place.
That photograph was taken in the September and I did not stand on a scales until the 1st week of January. The reason, I actually thought that the idea would fade and I wouldn't worry about it. I was also afraid to try, in case I failed. It sounds really silly but it's the truth. I think I actually judged myself harder than anyone else ever did.
I really hated the word FAT. It felt that when I heard it, that it would stab me because I associated the word to mean something that I would be all my life.
I used to think that I was happy and I really was, I have a terrific family who always loved and I was the person and not the size with them. My thinking was, would it really make a difference to who I was. Plus I was actually terrified of sharing my weight with anyone because I didn't actually know what I weighted, I couldn't remember the last time I stood on a scales. Why would I, It just made me feel terrible and if I ignored the scales I would be happier.
One Wednesday I just made the decision that today was the day. I looked up Weightwatchers online and seen a lot of classes near me but I didn't want to go to the nearest because I didn't want the people who knew, to watch me struggle or even worse fail. I told nobody that I was going I just went.
That day, I decided that I was going to enjoy my last day of freedom. For dinner I ate a Dairy Milk and 6 Ferrero Roche and a packet of chocolate buttons. They were lovely, but I still cannot look at a Ferrero Roche.
Standing in the queue for the 1st time gave me the same feeling I had the 1st time I was being induced to have my 1st baby. Shear terror. If you have ever been in a labor ward you will understand this, but I was not getting a beautiful baby at end. I did it, I was mortified, ashamed and felt like a fool to think that I let myself get to this stage.
My leader said to me "you will never see this number again" I decided to have a little faith, take the jump and I thought, I will give it six weeks.
My goal was to stick at it and I did. Some weeks was so hard. Some weeks, I really did over eat so I was content if I was up, some weeks I was so good and I was up and they were really disappointing. Those weeks, I would say to myself "just try for 1 more week" and it worked.
Getting to goal was crazy, I didn't want to get off the scales, It was the first time in my life where I want to tell everyone. It could be because I never imagined it.
One day, out shopping, im not sure what I did, but some woman called me a skinny b*t*h. I could have kissed her and laughed out load. I must have looked insane but if she was trying to offend me, she failed miserably, I was delirious.
So what has changed besides being 9 stone 1 pound lighter with a husband and 2 babies. Everything. Im not afraid to try new things, in fact I'm really willing to try things. I can shop where ever I want. I have confidence, as I now know that if I put my mind to it I have a good chance of achieving it. I trust myself. I love a challenge. I have opportunities to do the things I never thought I would do.
Weightwatchers really did change my life. I know it sounds soppy but it really did. I learned how to cook, I learned how to read food labels. I learned I'm a thoughtless eater and If I was bored a really thoughtless eater but there is also a huge list of none scale victories. Such as my knickers falling down as I walked down the stairs, I loved that one, to shopping in Pennys and buying a top and a jacket for E12.00, If any of you has shopped in Evans you will understand my excitement.
Im going to climb Carrauntoohill on the 27th of April and who ever wants to join me can because trust me, that really will be a challenge for me. This climb is just about all of us on Weightwatchers that need a goal inbetween our goals.
My fear at this moment, is actually seeing the magazine on Sunday!
I hope that this post helps someone out there and just to let you all know, this post was supposed to be about roasted cauliflour soup. I hope you don't mind the change up.
Enjoy the Niptuck way, so you don't have to!